


A pipe dream

by shaardom



Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: Character Study, Hallucinations, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, M/M, Masturbation, Sexual Tension, if that doesn't make sense now it sure will at some point, pov is andrew-centric, so many -ion(s) tags
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-12
Updated: 2018-04-12
Packaged: 2019-04-22 02:19:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 980
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14298633
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shaardom/pseuds/shaardom
Summary: Either Neil is a pipe dream or Andrew is tripping. In fact, both are true and Neil is in Europe.---"One hundred and thirty."That was a big jump. This was either a better or a worse version of Neil. Andrew exhaled a long puff of smoke. It was too opaque, meaning that the temperature had dropped.If he didn't die before his boyfriend's return, maybe he'll keep drugs away for a while.





	A pipe dream

**Author's Note:**

> Hey !
> 
> This is my first published fanfic in the fandom, so please be nice ? Tagged as character study since I'm not used to writing them yet— expect more works from me at some point, the characters are great.
> 
> For the history, I've been writing a lot for the Raven Cycle fandom, which deals with veeeery different dynamics. Anyway.
> 
> Enough talking, enjoy !

"You're a pipe dream."

"Is it easier to dislike ?"

An auditive hallucination. Andrew pointedly did not look. For some reason, Neil behaved a lot like himself. Because it was a pipe dream, he answered, "No." Then he made the mistake of looking. Maybe pipe-Neil was smaller of an inch or so.

"Yes or no ?" Andrew asked.

He yet had to figure out what he wanted to fo.

Pipe-Neil only laughed. There, Andrew had found a flaw to hold on, to keep himself anchored to the reality. Neil Josten is in Europe. He's coming back in a few days. He felt a compulsive need to be answered. He repeated the question.

"No," pipe-Neil cruelly said. "Are you ever going to grow out of this ?"

Andrew didn't answer. He sort of did, later. After all, pipe-Neil was him in some ways. He wondered if he was drugged enough that the hallucination will remain for hours or if he could just stop now and it will go just as fast as it came.

"You're not." Neil started humming. "The tragic story of a man whose childhood was so fucked that he didn't grow out of it."

"One hundred and thirty."

That was a big jump. This was either a better or a worse version of Neil. Andrew exhaled a long puff of smoke. It was too opaque, meaning that the temperature had dropped. If he didn't die before his boyfriend's return, maybe he'll keep drugs away for a while. It was definitely stupid to get stoned on the top of a roof, by a chilly night.

"How many until you walk away ?"

"Patience is a virtue, Josten."

"Yes or no ?"

The question came unprompted. Pipe-Neil was still sat where Andrew had left him but he could have moved any time and Andrew knew he couldn't outrun him. He couldn't outrun _it._

"You're playing along," he pointed out.

"It's all in your head. You're playing alone."

Andrew whistled, unimpressed.

"Clever."

Pipe-Neil kissed him. Andrew both felt it and didn't. He laid on the cold roof.

"Didn't say yes."

"Didn't say anything."

"That means no."

"To Neil, maybe."

Now it was clear that whatever this was, Neil was not. Yet Andrew found himself still believing the illusion.

"It's you that got to one hundred and thirty," he cleared. "Neil yet has to."

He couldn't tell his hands apart from the ghost's. He stopped trying.

"You hated him when he was here; you don't love him more now that he's gone."

"I didn't want to go with him."

"You hate him because he could be gone for good."

"No one else would want him."

Lies.

"He saved the Foxes."

Andrew's breath hitched. He didn't feel the cold breeze on his exposed skin. His own hands were continuously warming it up.

"He's part of the team," he opposed, hesistant because no one could hear.

"He can run."

"Oh, fuck it. If he wants to go, he will."

"The people who want him won't want you."

The faster they spoke, the harder he went on himself. He was panting audibly, making a rare mess of himself. God that would be embarrassing if someone stumbled upon him.

"No, Andrew."

Andrew felt like he had been punched. He gasped for air, the sleepy city at his feet being oblivious of his struggle.

"It's my body."

"Still no."

He swallowed the bitterness and pulled his jeans up, barely covering his hard-on. Then he jumped down, the mastery of his movements making it seem as though he was sober. He dialed Neil's number after the door had slammed. The answer came after a few ringtones, heavy with sleep.

"You alright ?"

"Yeah."

"Really ?"

"Yes, Neil," Andrew confirmed with a genuine annoyance. "I'm in my room."

"Is mine too," Neil pointed out.

"Can you make a full sentence ?"

He heard Neil sitting up. He didn't even need a full sentence, a syllabe will be enough.

"Do you know what time it is, here ?"

"No." None of them spoke for a moment. "Are you going to tell me ?"

"No." Neil bumped a part of his body against something and cursed. "Find out on your own."

"One hundred and fourteen."

"Good." Neil sighed. "Tell everyone I'm throwing a party for one hundred and fifteen."

Andrew slowly reached down to his painfully erected dick. He flattened his hand over it.

"Yes or no ?"

"To what ?"

Andrew was relieved. The real Neil— Neil had understood the difference between saying yes and actual consent.

"To me thinking of you while getting off."

"For all I care, you can even think of Nicky—"

Andrew groaned. He was not high enough that the idea wasn't disgusting.

"Yes," Neil sighed. "Though it's your body and mind, Andrew. Your decision."

"I had told myself no."

"I should have been unable tell you either. Can I listen ?"

Andrew rolled his eyes. "Yes."

Not like much will be heard. He was only doing this as some kind of compensation for waking Neil up. He squirmed out of his clothes. The freedom of nakedness was almost enough.

"Don't imagine shit," he breathed. "You'd have kept your hands to yourself."

"I'd still have enjoyed it."

Andrew huffed, making his short breath pass as annoyance. He almost forget about the communication at some point, while leading himself to the edge. It was still no. He stayed there for a while. Nothing was real in the night. Not even pipe-Neil's hurtful behavior, which was only a warped reflection of Andrew's self-destructive habits, 

"Neil ?"

" _Yes,_ Andrew."

Finally, he let go. The orgasm shattered the shadow following him. Neil was away. He'll come back. Andrew couldn't go full-on pragmatic right away, didn't have to because he was alone in the room. He kept laying on his back, breaking sweat and breathing heavily.

He didn't feel sleepy. When he had regained enough mind, he reached out for his phone and hung up.

**Author's Note:**

> Dunno if this is clear because there is a big subtext but the bottom line of this is that Andrew misses Neil.
> 
> When writing the ending I was like _wow_ but it didn't feel right to end it any other way, so. The Andrew-centric POV is the reason why you don't hear much of Neil at the end of the line, though he was probably too out of it to get turned on.
> 
> I'm not sure why Neil is still in bed if it's daytime in Europe but eh, let him rest. When I imagined this, coach Wymack had taken him to the continent for whatever reason but they're coming back soon (the trip lasted less than a week). Neil will be jetlagged as fuck.
> 
> I knooow I'm writing a lot in the notes but these facts feel necessary though they are not a part of the fanfic and they won't be included whatsoever ?
> 
> I may write something with jetlagged! Neil, we'll see. If you liked it or have something to kindly point out about the characterization, feel free to leave a comment !


End file.
